Castle Paradox

[Moogle1]

http://arperry.blogspot.com/2008/12/money-making-game.html

(Now with 20% more conflict!)
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Slime Salad :: Independent Game Design

[Pepsi Ranger]

Great switcheroo at the end. And yes, the conflict is definitely more noticeable here. I like how you pit an animal known for wisdom versus an animal known for craftiness.

Another fun read. Good job.

One more writing trick to consider: Try to lay off the weird dialogue tags (like "interjected" and such). While it's fine for amateur writing and independent reading, it's a bad habit to adopt if you ever want to take it to the next level (sort of like doing a vignette instead of using conflict, like what we're talking about in the "Vampires" thread). The professionals keep it limited to "he said," and "she said," with the occasional "cried," "shouted," and "asked." Once you go high-brow on something simple like a dialogue tag, you interrupt the flow of the story because your reader is too busy trying to figure out why the character expostulated and what it means exactly to expostulate to pay any attention.

But I found this story clever and enjoyable all in all.

Keep them coming.
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Progress Report:

The Adventures of Powerstick Man: Extended Edition

Currently Updating: General sweep of the game world and dialogue boxes. Adding extended maps.

Tightfloss Maiden

Currently Updating: Chapter 2

[Moogle1]

I had not considered that. This is useful feedback. Thanks.
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Slime Salad :: Independent Game Design

[Bob the Hamster]

I love it. I specially liked the owl's inner monologue.