Castle Paradox

Chaz VanLanden · Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2003 11:34 pm Post subject: MY CRAZY STORY!!

HEY everybody! I think that I must share a new story i've been working and expermiening with to the community. It's called Working as a Dishwasher at Work and I am personally proud of it! Tell me what you think of it by giveing a reveiw please!

http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1328648

Link here to Fictionpress.com!
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Blazes Battles Inc. · **I'm a chimp, not a** Joined: 25 Jan 2003 Posts: 505

I didn't like that one two much. First, don't use text emoticons in stories. Second, don't have people keep interjecting into the narration with parentheses, and don't have characters tell it, unless the story is in the first person or they are telling the story to someone else. There was also WAY too much dialogue and not nearly enough text. The stuff about the demon teacher or whatever didn't make much sense... you know, without everyone running from the room screaming monster... but if it made sense in the story, it might be okay. Finally, the story had no real plot I could identify... and the thing with the hillbillies and the gang members was pretty dry.

Then again, if the story was intended to a comedy or something, some of my story points wouldn't matter... but most of the rest do. This seems like the sort of thing that would do better in comic form, but that's really up to you.
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Chaz VanLanden · Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2003 2:45 am Post subject:

* Slams head on the desk

Owch.... That was harsh.... Crying

Your right though. But to let you in on a little secret blazes, it supose to be plotless right now... This was just a story i've been expermenting with. Something I've been screwing around with... Also... The story was under the manga section of the site. It has a comedy section to it, but it felt more manga worthy. The Emoticons gave it more of a comic look. And the auther interjecting happens alot in manga's like excel saga and what not.
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Blazes Battles Inc. · **I'm a chimp, not a** Joined: 25 Jan 2003 Posts: 505

I guess it does make a lot more sense if it's in the manga section... heh.
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Setu_Firestorm · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 1:22 am Post subject:

Chaz, should I be worried about you? It's almost like you drank a bunch of soy sauce when you wrote that.
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Iblis · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 1:31 am Post subject:

Why? Did he try to fly Bub's concession stand?

(for those unenlightened among you, here: http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail69.html)

And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!
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Setu_Firestorm · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 1:37 am Post subject:

Actually, he DID! I was the one trying to eat Bub's concession stand.

*THE CHEAT IS NOT DEAD! 3 TROPHIES FOR THE CHEAT!!!!!*
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Chaz VanLanden · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 4:29 am Post subject:

"HaNg On ThErE tHe ChEaT, wErE tAkEiNg ThIs BaBy To ThE mOoN!!"

* Falls over.

Actually, I was just board I guess... and WebRPG was down.... Pissed off!

Grrrr, Curse the profile deleation!
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You may only address me as OVERLORD Neko-Kame... Never Ne-Ne-Ka!

marina_egbert · Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2003 10:25 am Post subject:

the story title kind of reminds me of someone i know... scarey...
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Though I may seem a little out there, I'm not as bad as some may think.

Sometimes confusion has its advantages....

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Etinyth · Joined: 30 May 2003 Posts: 34

BURNINATE

marina_egbert · Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2003 9:12 am Post subject:

so i read it finally.... and yes, i was right... it DOES remind me of someone I know Happy

and uh... I kind of liked it... could even picture it in my head... only i was picturing my friend acting it all out in my head... when are ya going to finish it.....
_________________
Though I may seem a little out there, I'm not as bad as some may think.

Sometimes confusion has its advantages....

I give mood rings to people because they're nuts... I'm also a pro at making DUM.

Defeat yourself... Embrace God!