Castle Paradox

Valigarmander · Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:12 am Post subject: Let's offend people.

I'm bored. Let's play a game.

The object is to think of the most offensive jokes you can think of and tell them to the world. I'm no good at it, but I'll come up with a few before I have to leave on a three-day trip and let you all do your stuff.

So, uh, yeah.

Q. Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A. CUZ SHE WAS A WOMAN LOL

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 7 raped 6's mom.

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."
John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"
Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."

Q. What is black, 12 inches long, and makes women scream at night?
HINT: Think LONG and HARD about this one.
A. Crib death! Yay!

The Pope calls his mother right after being elected Pope.
Pope: Hi mom, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Mother: What's the good news?
Pope: I've just been elected Pope.
Mother: What's the bad news?
Pope: I have to move into an Italian neighborhood.

Q. What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow!

There you go. Work off of that.

JSH357 · Joined: 02 Feb 2003 Posts: 1705

Lyhn Sohler · Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:23 am Post subject:

Three generations of hookers live together in an apartment. The youngest comes home complaining. "Man, I did a blowjob today and I only got paid 50 dollars for it!" The hooker's mom then butts in. "50 dollars? I only got paid 10 dollars back in my day!" Then the oldest hooker placed her two cents in. "Both of you shut the fuck up. During the Great Depression, we'd give blowjobs just to end the day with something warm in our bellies!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Valigarmander · Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:29 am Post subject:

(Wow, that was fast.)

Q. What's the best part about fucking a ten-year-old girl?
A. When you're done, you can turn her over and pretend you're fucking a ten-year-old boy!

Q. What do you get from killing a baby?
A. An erection!

Valigarmander · Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:40 am Post subject:

I've got more.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A nun with stab wounds.

Q. How do you tell how old a dead baby is?
A. Cut off the head and count the rings!

Q. What's the difference between Paula Radcliff and Hitler?
A. At least Hitler tried to finish the race!

Q. What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
A. Acne waits til you're 13 before coming on your face!

Q. What was John Lennon's last hit?
A. The pavement.

Q. What's gray, sits on the end of your bed, and takes the piss out of you?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.

Gizmog1 · Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2006 12:01 am Post subject:

Fuck you, homo! Cocksmoker! Smokin'

Artimus Bena · Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2006 12:17 am Post subject:

*smokin pepperoni, smoookin pepperoni, smoookin pepperoni, aall night loong*

You should have been a handjob.
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djfenix · Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Posts: 359

Q. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A. Nothing. You already told her twice!

Q. What's the difference between a black guy, and a bucket of shit?
A. The bucket.

Q. You are in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and a wetback. You have a gun with 2 shots left. Whom do you shoot?
A. Shoot the wetback twice to make sure he's dead.

Q. What do you throw at a drowning indian man?
A. His wife and kids.

Q. Why does Mexico not have an olympic team?
A. Because anyone who could run, jump, or swim, already made it across the border.

Valigarmander · Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2006 3:59 pm Post subject:

Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."
St Peter: "Not likely!"
Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."
At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.
St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."
Jesus: "Bugger off!"
Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."
Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.
Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."
God: "Tell him to get lost!"
Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it."
God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a fuckin' wooden one!"

Q: What's white and zips across the sky at 100 mph followed by a band of angels?
A: The coming of the Lord.

An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
"Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter.
"I'm here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man.
St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!"

A man ran through a crowded train looking very agitated, calling out, "Is there a Catholic priest on board?"
When he got no reply, he ran back up the train shouting, "Is there an Anglican priest on board?" Still no reply.
By now becoming more desparate, he ran down the train shouting, "Is there a Rabbi on board?"
Eventually, a gentleman stood up and said, "Can I be of any assistance, my friend? I'm a Methodist minister."
The man looked at him and said, "No, you're no bloody good. I need a corkscrew!"

And one that isn't religious...

A faggot walks into a bar and plops his ass down next to a big, burly nigger.
He leans over to the black guy and whispers, "You wanna get a blow job?"
Man! The nigger jumps up and beats the living hell out of the queer, kicks his ass and throws him out into the street.
He comes back over to the bar and sits down.
"Holy shit, Leroy!" the bartender says; "what the hell'd he say to you?"
"Aw, I dunno....somethin' 'bout gettin' a job."

Lyhn Sohler · Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2006 4:09 pm Post subject:

Two hookers are talking in a bar.

ONE OF THEM IS YO MOMMA!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHASFAHKJASLF!

Gamer Sasuke · Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 30 Location: The Eternal Sphere

What do you give a blind, deaf and dumb kid for christmas?
cancer.

How does a preist get a Nun pregnant?
You dress her up like an alter boy.

what is the differance between a pickup full of deadbabys and a pickup full of bowling balls?
you cant unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork.

how many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
it depends how thin you slice them.

What is the difference between a hummer and a pile of dead babies?
i dont have hummer in my garage.

whats worse than a pile of dead babies?
the one at the bottom whos alive
whats worse than that?
he is trying to eat his way out
whats worse than that?
he made it.

what is silver and red that runs into a wall?
a dead baby with a fork in its eyes.

how do you fit 1000 dead babies in a bath tub?
use a blender
how do you get them out?
tortilla chips

what is black and crispy at the top of the stairs?
christoper reeves in a house fire
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Gizmog1 · Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 2:03 pm Post subject:

I find this topic HIGHLY offensive.