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Final Fantasi XXX vs. JSH357
Final Fantasi XXX Self-explanatory.
Download: 401 KB
Play Time: 0 hours and .25 minutes
Review # 19 for JSH357 Self-explanatory.
Them's Fightin' Words
    This is the most horrifying thing ever created. When I say it's the most horrifying thing ever created, I'm comparing it to goatse, Superman 64, and Madonna's cover of American Pie. I'm comparing it to high school. I'm comparing it to the Holocaust. I'm comparing it...

... to death.
    Basically, from the moment you start up the game, your eyes will start slowly committing suicide. You can play the game for ten seconds or thirteen hours, and in both cases you'll have retinal problems by the end. If you have some kind of disability, there is no way I recommend playing this game EVER. At least Hawk held off on the flashes a little.  
    It's a tragic tale. I'll summarize so you don't have to play!

JSH downloaded Final Fantasi XXX for the Terrible Games Contest. JSH played for one second. JSH contemplated suicide. JSH couldn't eat for ten days. JSH lost all faith in humanity. JSH was pissed because he lost the Terrible Game Contest to this piece of crap.
    It actually becomes unconscious, mainly because you CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.  
    The battles are the most awe-inspiringly awful concoctions ever concoctionoized. Not only are they hold-down-the-space-bar fests, but... damn, I can't even describe it.

You don't want to know.
  Map Design
    I pressed F1. I saw something huge.

Please don't play this game.
    Swing low, sweet chariot. Swing low.  
    I didn't even mention the music, did I? Well, it's like the graphics, only in BAM format.

So, basically, it'll make your ears bleed in BAM FORMAT. That's one hell of a lot worse that ear-bleeding in MIDI format. If you want to live at all and still play this, it has to be done in the Windows port.
    Can I just leave this blank?  
Final Blows
    If the ESRB ever gets their hands on this one, the world will be a much better place.

Final Scores
Graphics: 1/10.0
Awe-inspiringly awful!
Storyline: 1/10.0
Gameplay: 1/10.0
My poor, poor fingers.
Music: 1/10.0
Make it go away
Enjoyment: 1/10.0
I might need to CHECK IN to Trauma Center because of this game. It won the Contest for a damn good reason.
Overall Grade: F-
Final Thoughts
    Hot hentai right here! Play it now!  

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