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vs. JSH357
Damn you, Nascar Dads!
Download: 22B
Play Time: hours and 30 minutes
Review # 9 for JSH357 Damn you, Nascar Dads!
Them's Fightin' Words
    *Cracks knuckles*
Here we go. This is one of the worst OHR games ever made. I have not played any of the other games in this series, and judging by the quality of this game, I will not enjoy the rest of the series. In a self-altered selection from Chris Crawford on Game Design: "When you go making a sequel, don't expect to make anything original." I'll not go on about the series' continuity; that discussion is for another review.

Mr. Triangle's Shitty Adventure lives up to its name almost perfectly. In fact, its title is the only spectacular thing about it- a perfect description of what the game entails. You play the role of a triangle. You are not given any real information about said triangle other than the fact that he is homophobic. Stupid enough? Just hang on. Here's yet another tidbit: the game was made in two days. Now, you may think, "Hey, &And was made in two days!!1" Well, I won't argue with you there. But is RedMaverickZero Rinku? No.

Here's what disturbs me about the fact that this game starts a series- why, why, WHY would anybody want to base an entire series on something like this? Again, I'll digress for the sake of this review only being about the original, but still. Why?

A final note: this game shows some serious moral bankruptcy. Call me a prude, but finding any sort of aesthetic pleasure in this game's sense of humor would cause me to classify you as legally insane. This game contains (poorly drawn) pornography, excessive cursing, gay bashing (Although, some people probably don't have a problem with that), and a general lack of any intelligent purpose.

What irks me is that the author acts like the game is a complete joke. He even bashes himself in the game consistently. If the game is so bad and such a joke, why did RedMaverickZero release it? Seriously, it's like an unfunny Arfenhouse.
    As per usual, graphics range from 'god-awful' to 'eh.' Some of the human characters toward the end of the game look decent, at least in form. Another high point was the battle animations- not the attack graphics but the hero graphics. While they look pretty bad on their own, the animations show some definite skill. I have seen very few OHR games in which the heroes' limbs are properly altered during animation.

It isn't completely decent, though. No, no. This game is about 'shitty' triangles, after all. The graphics essentially speak for themselves- look at the screenshots. They are purely unprofessional in most cases, half-decent in others. I won't go into too much detail since it is so obvious.
Another problem I had was with the mature content. This game had no warning and contained images of boxes with penises attached to their heads, ejaculation, and nude women running across the screen. Shock value is something that game designers just won't abandon. They cling to the First Amendment as if their entire lives depend on it! It's like Grand Theft Auto, only even more poorly designed.
    This game has two goals: murder a homosexual triangle and kill the creator of the game.

Well now.

By the end of the game, I most assuredly wanted to kill its creator. After all, the game was obviously meant to be funny but wasn't succeeding in the least. A word of advice to any and all game designers: never make a game's long-term goal the death of its creator. When you create a game with this purpose, you are undermining your own talent by calling it executable. (Not to say that the author of this game has talent, of course. I've yet to play any game created by him that would persuade me otherwise.)

And now I'll attack gay bashing. [JSH voice="Grandpa"] Now see here, sonny! I'm all for free speech and holding ones' own opinions! But if yer gonna argue against a lifestyle, at least make a game worth playing![/JSH voice] Whether or not I personally am opposed to gay bashing is beside the point. (By the way, I'm against it) The fact of the matter is that whenever you are making an argument, whether it is your own or someone else's, you must present that argument well. Unfortunately, Mr. Triangle's Shitty Adventure makes no effort to defend its reasoning behind abuse to the gay community. You are told gays are evil and that you must kill them. Unless the player was against homosexuals before the game began, that would be like giving your darling little girl a Bible and telling her to worship God. There is no basis behind your actions- there is no motive. That is why this game's story is bad. Not because it attacks gays, but because there is no purpose.

Moving away from the story itself, let's talk dialogue.

Oh boy.

At this point you have probably determined that this game is scum of the Earth, and I will agree with you. I don't think that I need to explain too much about the dialogue. It's a newbie game. Characters join you for no reason. Here is a sample conversation:

Mr. Triangle: "Hey, you look smart. Want to help us on our quest?"
Frog: "Ribbit"
(Frog joins you)

By the way, that is all on the same text box. Not only is the reason behind the frog joining your party stupid, but the dialogue is presented in one of the worst ways imaginable: all at once.

Another issue with dialogue was the upside down triangle's motives. I forgot the reason that this comes up, but he says this:

"Beat me and I will tell you"

It might have even been another character. Who cares? They all suck. This character attacks you- bearing in mind that violence is almost always a last result in realistic circumstances- for no reason.

Yet another issue: Marijuana is a healing item. This is so nonsensical that I shouldn't even have to explain why it is an error. Again, shock value over quality.

And the final blow: this game had no introduction. You start in the left-hand corner of the map (GROAN) and know nothing until you take a step. Oh, joy. This game also reeks of visible step-on NPC syndrome- see the first screenshot.

Is there a bright side, you ask? Well, I didn't notice too many grammatical and spelling errors. I'm sure they existed, but the rest of the game was so bad that I must not have cared.
    This is split into sections, so I will do it as instructed.

Here is my new disclaimer for the 'Gameplay' section. From this review on, my reasoning for several attacks may be based upon what is written in the disclaimer.
These can be taken both literally and in a figurative sense.
Also, my disclaimer will change as I write reviews, since I pick up new rules along the way.
1. No game should be played 'just for fun.' That's like taking drugs.
2. Shock value is useless.
3. Effort does not equal quality.
4. The movie can indeed be better than the book.
5. Most games are just bad remakes of other games.
    Battles are worthless in this game. You gain levels so consistently that there is no reason to worry about them. You can hold down the space bar most of the time and just use spells against bosses. Most of the attacks are bad, too. Some cost MP and do less damage than attacking. Some give you no hint as to what their effects are. Some cost no MP and do more damage than high MP spells. Also, some of the characters are better than others. There really isn't any sense of balance- you could beat the game without Mr. Triangle and the... ball... in your team. I never even had to use healing items until the end of the game, and discovered that you cannot use items outside of battle. Huh? That is the opposite of logical sense.  
  Map Design
    Uninteresting. There is nothing special to speak of. The only thing that I can really mention is that the battle presentations were bad. Sometimes there would be more than one copy of a battle-activating NPC on the map, and sometimes you had to talk to the enemies to face them. Ridiculous. Ever heard of playtesting, Red?  
    I explained this.  
    I did not enjoy this game. It was offensive and unentertaining. The only positive thing that came out of this game was this review.  
Final Blows
    Do not play this game. It isn't worth any of your time and it wasn't worth my time either. (Unless you really hate homosexuality, I guess.)
Anti-creatorism alert!  Kill!

Anti-creatorism alert! Kill!
Final Scores
Graphics: 2/10.0
Animations were fine. Otherwise, bleh.
Storyline: 1/10.0
Horrible characters, dialogue, plot, and presentation.
Gameplay: 1/10.0
Ugh. I wish this weren't even a game- it's just one more example for the anti-game radical feminazis and conservatives.
Music: 10/10.0
Enjoyment: 1/10.0
Overall Grade: F-
Final Thoughts
    Abysmal. One of the worst "games" ever made.  

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