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R vs. Shadowiii
R The line following this is extremely perverted, but it literally made me fall out of my chair laughing.
The Wobbler
Download: 152B
Play Time: 2 hours and -- minutes
Review # 30 for Shadowiii The line following this is extremely perverted, but it literally made me fall out of my chair laughing.
Them's Fightin' Words
    Walthros. A famous OHR game, that has been famous for quite some time. I remember loading up a very old edition only shortly after I began to download OHR games. Now that the game is complete, and an update has been made to speed up gameplay, one would argue that the Walthros legacy is over. But it is far from over, my friends. FAR from over.

For the crystals will return, in what is perhaps the most inane and bizarre walthros adventure ever. With humor that rivals Arfenhouse's outright insanity, Walthros: The Return of the Crystals, is an excellent game for any Walthros fan, or for someone who just wants some good old-fashioned insanity with a side of potatoes.

    Graphics are made to be as ugly as possible, and they ALMOST do this. The graphics are generally Arfenhouse quality, complete with extremely ugly hero graphics, NPCs, and battle backdrops that are COMPLETELY random. You'll see a slime in one, then a hamster in a tube in another. You'll see a scene from some anime, and then a t-rex fighting a squid. The backdrops are inane, insane, and downright hilarious.

Another interesting thing about this is that there are quite a few actual "movies" in the game, where PHC takes scenes from actual anime and animates them. This includes a few scenes from an anime I didn't recognize, where a girl loses her shoe, a guy acts like a retard, etc, to your mandatory "jiggle" scene (any anime fan will know what I mean). The animations are AMAZINGLY smooth, some of the best I've seen yet, and their imported quality is nice as well.

Overall? Magnus, Arfenhouse, etc. graphical style. But a brilliant parody of Walthros, especially considering Walthros' graphics werenít all that wonderful in the first place.

    Heh, the story is...interesting. It is basically the original Walthros with somewhat similar characters (though they are all quite a bit more insane); who basically go nuts killing things, each other, and mice. It is, to some extent, Walthros "retardedized" (like one could say Arfenhouse is "Final Fantasy Retardedized"), and it is downright hilarious. The dialogue is quite ingenious, to be honest, and it borderlines insanity and genius (which is quite a fine line, I dare say). Some of the stuff is so funny I was laughing out loud.

Be warned, however, the game contains a considerable amount of profanity. Thought the profanity isn't "sick" like in "Mormon Mission," this game contains incredible amounts of swearing. Think the Mr. Triangle series and you'll have a general idea. Language-wise this is an "R" rated game.

Overall, the story certainly is a hilarious addition, and the dialogue as well. The little "scene" at the beginning of the game is downright side-splitting hilarious (it is something you'd expect from a Gilbert game, to be honest), and the overall parody is simply ingenious. Scottie is one of the most annoying people in history, and I'm pretty sure I have met someone like him before too. Why I didn't kill him is beyond me, but...

    Well, I don't really need to elaborate on this section. No on levels up. No one gains stats. Basically, your characters have attack and another skill, the other skill probably being either a more powerful attack, or healing. Yeah, that's it. Battles are balanced well, that is, they are amazingly easy and any RPG moron should have no problem beating them. Money is given liberally to buy the...images you can purchase along the way, so...yeah. There isn't anything special. It just is there.
    Again, only two possibilities: attack or use a spell. The only thing that a spell does differently is it does more attack and requires you to press the "down" button in the menu to select it. Yeah, that's it.

  Map Design
    Maps are very linear, especially because Bob tells you everything you should do in big bold letters every time there is a plot advance. Not very hard, any 2-year-old could figure it out.

    Again, they are really easy. This is pointless! Read the rest of the review!

    Ripped from various sources, but actually placed somewhat decently. It basically just is there during maps and is there during battles, etc. etc. It probably would have been funnier if it had been music from the original "Walthros," but what the heck, it still works. It could have been placed better, but it is fine as it is.

    I had a great time. I laughed quite a bit, and after I had beaten it I played the game through again because I thought it was so dang funny. This thing rivals Arfenhouse in humor, it is downright insanity. A few of the best scenes involve Super Walrus Man, who is a homicidal lunatic in this rendition of the Walthrosian world, Scottie, who is basically every annoying geek and nerd I have ever met rolled into one, and Salom, who is a "black man" with a "'tude" who is defiantly "in the hood my rizzo."

Overall, if you played Walthros AT ALL you need to get this game right now and play it, it is so funny. If you haven't played Walthros, I'd recommend at least trying it out first before diving into this. While the game still is VERY funny without the added humor of Walthros (see RMZ's review for proof of this), the humor is greatly increased when you KNOW what PHC is parodying.

Final Blows
    What can I say? It is insanity. It is the Arfenhouse 4 we all wanted but didnít get. It is, pure and simple, genius insanity in an RPG world gone mad. Is it worth a download? Yes, it most certainly is. The game isn't a challenge at all; basically you are watching an interactive movie and laughing the entire time. Plus, you can save generally anywhere, and the game itself should only take you between one or two hours to finish.

Overall? Amazingly funny, amazingly insane, amazingly brilliant. More OHRRPG makers should parody their own games like this. It is downright hilarious.

Yes, that certainly is a, um, Uncommon idea...

Yes, that certainly is a, um, Uncommon idea...
Final Scores
Graphics: 7/10.0
Arfenhouse style ugly. But it fits very well, and the various cutscenes are animated very smoothly.
Storyline: 10/10.0
Story? Nah, who needs it! The dialogue makes this game downright hilarious! It is so...inane and yet so clever, it blew me away! Heh, I still laugh just thinking about the "Scottie" scene...he he
Gameplay: 2.5/10.0
What? It's pointless. You bairly have to THINK. WHO CARES, you aren't playing this game to play this game, you are playing this game to LAUGH at the TEXT BOXES.
Music: 5/10.0
Around average. The tunes didnt' really add to the humor (like they did in Arfenhouse), but they certainly weren't bad. They were decent to listen too, and were better then silence.
Enjoyment: 9.5/10.0
Heh, this game is downright great. A hilarous addition to your OHR Library. GO GET IT NOW AND ENJOY ENDLESS FUN IN THE WORLD OF FLYING FISH.
Overall Grade: A-
Final Thoughts
    A simply hilarious OHR game. Get it, now, and prepare to laugh for a long time.  

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