Them's Fightin'
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I have played Billy the Gnome 1 and 3. I only didn't play the 2nd one due to the fact that it didn't run as it was intended. Yet, I stumbled upon this game. Billy's lost soap. Wondering if it could be better or worse than the game I had reviewed of the series. Turns out... it wasn't.
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Graphics |
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The graphics are lame. Very lame. I understand that Billy the Gnome is a unique looking character and all but still... That's no excuse for the rest of the game to be graphically awful. Then again, lots of stuff in the game didn't need graphics at all. Like the game was so short and ... interesting. Yet there were some good points.
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Storyline |
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The game was how you could say... Lame? Yet due to the contest rules there was one particular humorous part of the game. The attempted storyline. Okay, it wasn't even attempted well at all. Okay, Billy wakes up one morning and realizes "Hey! I smell!". That's pretty much what we all say when we wake up to a faceful of our underam B.O. He trys to take a shower only to realize, someone has stole his soap. But who? Who in their right mind would steal a lil gnome's soap you ask? Bill Cosby! For those of you who don't know who Bill Cosby is, he is the guy that made those hilarious looking JELLO commericals. And he looks kinda funny too. But you walk into ole Cosby's shop and find out he has it for sale, for the max amount of money you can input. Clever? NO. That's simple to program and establishes a since of lost hope all at once. In the end, Billy the Gnome hands Bill Cosby his ass and gets his soap back. Thus you kinda assume that Billy gets all clean. At least I did...
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Gameplay |
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5 minutes isn't what I call gameplay. It's what I call a waste of a perfectally decent programmer. The author has decent skills and used them creatively to make a decent bit of script. Billy for some reason becomes invisible. And then the plotscripting made it so you can make him "visible". It wasn't exactly something to make you wonna download the game, but it was a nice touch. Although lots of other things could have been added to make the game more enjoyable. Like describe why Bill Cosby stole Billy's soap. And you could expand off that to have a potential D+ game or higher even. (Okay, pushing your luck if you actually think higher). But the lack of gameplay really puts this game down on my list of fun.
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Battle |
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There was exactly one battle. Exactly one enemy. Exactly ONE GREAT BIG WASTE OF PRECIOUS TIME! The battle was not exactly good either. You did precisely one damage a turn and by the looks of it, Bill Cosby didn't even attack. It looked like Billy attacking himself. And there was no backdrop for the fight. Just a solid black backdrop. Which really sucks because Billy the Gnome has black stick figure limbs and it makes it difficult to see the shit for animations the author has given him. My point being, the graphics didn't help this area of the game at all.
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Map Design |
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What can I say. There wasn't enough to really justify me doing this section. But I'm sure when I go to check and see if this review went through someone would say," Say something about Map Design". So here it is. The maps were what they were intended to be. THERE. Not anything impressive or stunning. Just there. Billy's house was a normal house with a shower. The shower was there only to show Billy needed his wretched soap. And the town had some two houses, because those were the only ones needed for this game. Billy the Gnome's House... and Bill Cosby's house. Then again, as said, this game didn't need much of anything for it to be better other than to not be made.
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Balance |
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For the one battle there was in the game. You would think it would be at least balanced. Yet I was unsuprised when I noticed it wasn't. There were no skills. Just one attack option. And nothing else. No healing items, no equipment. NOTHING. Nadda. ZIP. It wasn't a suprise at all to see such a poor quality game have such awful balance.
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Music |
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I cannot judge this area... My computer doesn't play BAM...
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Enjoyment |
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I can't say I enjoyed this. Because if I did, it would be a lie. The gameplay, the story, the balance. It all clashed and made such a massacre of mayhem and wasting of time. I am so happy this game wasn't longer than 5 minutes, because I would be even more dissapointed for wasting this much time on such a low quality game.
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Final Blows |
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You should stray away from your Billy the Gnome series and try and make something more serious. The same thing happened to me believe it or not. That's why Mr.Triangle had 5 Shitty Adventures and 2 side games. Because I couldn't think of anything else to do or make. I was too lazy to establish a new character so I reused the old one. And then I made a new game. Built from there and had more to build off. Try making a new game with entirely new characters. Try to use Billy the Gnome as little as humanly possible. It will do you more good than you think.
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