| Them's Fightin'
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Contest games are always iffy, you never know what you're going to get. Sometimes, contest games are solid gold, like the I Made Dis series, and sometimes they aren't, like a majority of the Magnus sequels. Today, we're going to look at Mormon Mission, a game created by Chaos Nyte, Gizmog1, and Flamer for the Human Day contest, and decide whether or not we have a real treasure on our hands.
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| Graphics |
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The graphics are nothing spectacular. The maptiles are ugly and dull, though the bubbling swamp was better than the first swamp, but the grass is odd looking. The walkabouts are, at least, half decent, though they still have their problems. Moogle1 looked like he had a pink goatee, though this was probably supposed to be a moogle nose or something to that effect. The Nazis hardly looked like Nazis at all, but red-eyed soldiers with swastikas on their helmets. The only thing that really impressed me was El Salvado's hair, though I'm not exactly sure why...
I also would've liked to have the Nazis have some actual animations of being eaten, instead of running around. That was just stupid and annoying.
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| Storyline |
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There wasn't really much of a plot to this story, but, for some reason, a Latin dance sensation commando named El Macarena Salvado decided to save our own Adam Perry (Moogle1) from his station at an orphanage in the Brazilian jungle. No reasons are ever given for this, nor are any reasons given as to why you are suddenly running from Nazis and a cybernetic Fidel Castro.
Though there isn't much of a plot, there is a lot of dialogue, dialogue that leaves more questions to the plot than it answers (which it doesn't). Most of the dialogue is either inane or has what some might call "adult" humor, though most of it is childish, really. The inane parts can be quite humorous, actually, but the rest of it gets really old, really fast.
Probably the worst of it is J'sang. He got old after the first textbox he spoke, and most of the following textboxes were mostly the same. Just too many "cock" jokes, and they overused the joke about El Salvado's anal matches.
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| Gameplay |
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Mormon Mission was really made up of four mini-games. None of these mini-games were particularly fun or difficult, but a few of them are interesting the first time you play them. The second time, though, they're pretty boring and easy to beat.
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Battle |
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There weren't really any battles to speak of, unless you consider the "El Salvado vs. Mecha Castro" a battle. Just for the sake of humor, let's. It wasn't really an exciting battle, as all there was to do was either throw your (overused plot device) matches or dodge Castro's (old joke) "Cock" Rockets. Just two buttons, and only when they're prompted, too. Thus, we are left with a slow and buggy battle, which results in untold amounts of not fun.
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Map Design |
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The only purpose of the maps in this game is to connect the mini-games, so all they really needed to be were straight lines. Any idiot can make a straight line out of a map, but the maps in this game were a bit better. So, they fulfilled their purpose and, but for the tiles, looked decent while doing so.
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Balance |
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There wasn't much to balance between, as this game was only made up of a few mini-games and some dialogue sequences, so the balance in this game would be how the dialogue sequences fit in with the mini-games, or pacing, in other words. Mormon Mission kept my attention well enough for the fifteen minutes that it lasted. I suppose it was the proper length, too, as it wasn't long enough that I could consider it slow.
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| Music |
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There wasn't really anything great in this game musically. There was music, and that's about it. It wasn't anything that caught my ear, or anything that annoyed me enough to turn off the sound, it was just...there. It was all, of course, ripped, but public domain, as that was one of the rules of the contest.
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| Enjoyment |
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Like I said earlier, none of the mini-games were particularly fun or difficult. There wasn't really anything that would make this game replayable, unless you really wanted to find the secret endings.
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| Final Blows |
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So, what's the verdict? Is Mormon Mission gold or dross? It's difficult to say for certain, but it is definitely nearer to the latter. Mormon Mission is the kind of game that you play once, and then forget about it soon after. It's not really something I can warn against, but definitely not something I can endorse, either.
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This mini-game isn't as hard as it's cracked up to be. Really, it's too easy once you get the hang of it. |
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Final Scores
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Graphics: 4.5/10.0 |
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Ugly maptiles, but decent walkabouts. I'd like the emotion animations, too, except that there was only one.
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Storyline: 2/10.0
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No real plot, only a lot of dialogue. Some of it brought a chuckle, but most only an exasperated sigh. |
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Gameplay: 5/10.0 |
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The mini-games were kind of interesting, but nothing really spectacular. Really, a five is a little generous...
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Music: 5/10.0
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Hardly anything to speak of here. It was there, and that's all. |
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Enjoyment: 3/10.0
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A few scarce laughs, a bit of interesting plotscripting, but nothing that sticks. I hate to say it, but Mormon Mission is doomed to fall into obscurity like so many games before it. |
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Overall Grade:
C- |
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| Final Thoughts |
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As stated in the Readme,
"Moogle1, who told Chaos Nyte that he was free to put him in any of his games if he so choose. He’ll regret that when he gets back."
That basically sums up this entire game. |
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