I need a doc

TwinHamster · Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 12:30 pm Post subject:

Then no girls for you!

But then again, I've heard that taking Prozac and Geodon can help pass the time.

LongeBane · Joined: 03 Feb 2003 Posts: 312 Location: Tomorrow

Wow twinhamster, waiting is such a bad advice to give. Waiting gets you nowhere. You can't just expect some opportunity to come by, you have to make sure it does happen. Write down a list of goals you need to accomplish in a week. I'm serious, write a list. And make it your life-goal to accomplish those tasks. Don't worry about far-off goals now, don't worry about everything around you. Just write a list and accomplish it. Your one week plan. Live life one day at a time for now, and only then can you conquer the rest.

Guest · Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:49 pm Post subject:

Most of these guys haven't a clue, Val. Aaaand, most guys in general, just like you, have no idea how to make a girl respond to you.

Waiting, yes, bad idea.

Taking forever to get to know the girl, and... BECOMING HER FRIEND FIRST???? If you become her friend... you're staying there. It's next to impossible to get yourself out of that rabbit-hole.

What you need above ANYTHING is confidence. Confidence, and a few other qualities, such as funniness, are so essential it's insane. Without finding some confidence, even a great girl will get sick of you.

Since you're depressed, naturally, you're going to scoff and say "Me? Confident?? No fucking way in hell." So what you need to do is build confidence. Don't confuse this with changing who you are. Confidence is merely comfortability, and someone only gains that with practice at something. When you ride a bike, I'm sure you're confident in your abilities. It's just like that. You want to ride a bike. So you practice at it. And then you are comfortable doing it.

You want to meet and talk to girls, and find somebody at least fun to be around. So practice at it, until you are comfortable... confident.

Two more quick pieces of advice:

Pick on her a little bit, and she will respond positively. Picking on someone in a playful way communicates confidence very effectively.

Forget about the outcome when you're talking to a girl. If the encounter doesn't go well, it's not the end of the world. There are always more girls. This attitude affects what you say in a positive way, and will probably improve the chances of a good outcome.

Keep repeating this process, and although it may take a while, once your confidence is up, you will have tons more pleasant conversations, that usually end up in the exchange of emails or numbers. What happens after that is a whole other ballgame, but the whole confidence thing applies there too.

Artimus Bena · Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:52 pm Post subject:

Whoops, signed me out before it posted... Huh?

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Valigarmander · Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:00 pm Post subject:

Thanks, Artimus, and everyone else. Hopefully I'll get somewhere with all this help. Cool

hireintelligence · Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 50 Location: NSW, Australia

My usually method is approach and then start licking my own elbow. (Hello ladies)

But seriously I've got no idea, I can hardly even look people in the eyes, you're surely doing much better than me. Maybe I should try the elbow thing out... I've never met anyone else who can do it so I figure everyone will be impressed.

LongeBane · Joined: 03 Feb 2003 Posts: 312 Location: Tomorrow

I see bena here giving him tips to pick up girls, and val seems willing to do that. But honestly, why would you need a girl to be happy? I'm saying a girl should be one of the byproducts to your happiness. If you can't even maintain your own life without depending on others, I'm sure she wouldn't like that either. Just depending your happiness on finding a girl seems so silly. Make yourself happy first, then the girls will feed off your energy and easily follow behind you. It shouldn't be the other way. "OH yea, so I'm kinda depressed, so can I please be like a burden on your back and have you know that my happiness depends on our relationship."

The first step to any goal-ridden journey is to simply write it down. It just means a lot less when it's a mental list in your mind. Write down what you will do, and it could even be picking up that girl. But just having a list and knowing you are accomplishing it makes you feel so much more confident, and in turn everyone around you notices that and just feel more confortable around you.

Valigarmander

I've been feeling pretty depressed lately, more so than usual. What I want to know now is, how do you regular folk keep yourselves happy? You may or may not be in a perpetual state of the blues (that's a funny way to say "depression") like me, but I want to know what cheers you up?

Oh, and by the way, feel free to keep giving me info on how to pick up the chick. I haven't made my move yet... I'm still too afraid of what she'll think. Oookay...

Jack · **the fool** Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 773

listening to happy music, and just letting it all out as it plays (no, not crying, dancing). just find the most happiest, craziest stuff you can. i recommend to you, sir, some Polyphonic Spree for that depression.

that, and hanging out with friends, make jokes, play games, or just wander around.
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Bob the Hamster · Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 1:19 pm Post subject:

Things that cheer me up:
* creative action (writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, pixeling, programming)
* exercise (as I said before)
* laughing
* talking to nice people (heck, even talking to non-awful people)
* working (but I think this is just because it is a special case of creativity and/or exercise)

As for telling the girl that you like her, I can't tell you what to do or say, but I can say from my own experience:
* waiting forever always made it worse for me
* It took me quite a few rejections to learn that the fear of rejection is more painful than the rejection itself.
* When I was depressed, my mood would swing. Conversations that started when I was on the upswing always went better than conversations that started while I was on the way down.
* Sometimes I would try to think in advance of how she might respond to what I might say, so I could brace myself in advance. That kind of thinking never helped. I was almost always surprised by the way a conversation would go.

There is no magic silver bullet, you just have to go and try, and see what happens. I wish you luck!

Valigarmander · Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:33 pm Post subject:

Been feeling pretty low lately... Wonder if there's anybody online right now, I just need someone to talk to...

LongeBane · Joined: 03 Feb 2003 Posts: 312 Location: Tomorrow

Yea, why did I even bother posting life-advice here.

Moogle1 · Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 11:53 pm Post subject:

For what it's worth, I thought it was really good advice.
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Valigarmander · Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 9:29 am Post subject:

Hey, I thought it was good advice. I even tried writing my goals down. They weren't very good goals (talk to girl, don't make ass out of self on CP) but I'm sure it was a start.

msw188 · Joined: 02 Jul 2003 Posts: 1041

In my opinion, one of the worst possible things you can do (this is mainly regarding the girl) is to go over different scenarios in your mind. You are NOT preparing for them (there is no way to do so, I would say), your just indulging in mind-fantasies. Most likely these will be much more extreme and dramatic than a real encounter would ever be, and as Mr. Paige was saying, the real discussion never turns out how your discussion with yourself does.

How to stop doing it? I don't know; as soon as you feel you are, you should look for something else to do, quickly. Happy music is definitely a great way to go. The Polyphonic Spree is an incredibly happy band, and a good recommendation (either album). If you find them a bit too sugary, the Flaming Lips may also qualify. They have more themes of sadness in some of their songs, but it is always treated in a positive manner (with positive melodies, if there is such a thing). If possible, hang out with some people (physically, not on a computer screen).
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