Santa Claus
Joined: 18 Nov 2005
Posts: 11
Location: The North Pole
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 Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 10:59 am Post subject: On "Santa Claus vs. The Heroists" |
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Don’t think I don’t know what all of you are saying about me behind my back. That time one of you slipped a trout into my pants? I know exactly which one of you did it, and I’ll have retribution some day. That time you tried to set me on fire at a Lion King musical? You’re going to get yours very soon. And lately, a little bird has been telling me something very interesting indeed.
Namely, that a few of you don’t think “Santa Claus vs. The Heroists†fits into the Human Day theme.
I’m going to prove all of you wrong. No, shut up, I really will.
Unlike moogle1, I never thought of the easy way to find the answer to the contest theme, which was to ask the Giz himself why he makes such stupid games. Instead, I spent night after night pondering over this question until the answer came to me in a dream.
In that dream, I was standing at the top of Mt. Sinai, and a shining figure descended from the heavens to greet me, introducing himself as Gizhova. Quickly, I hid my face and kneeled before him. Sensing that I should speak the first word, I proceeded to ask him that great and sacred question:
“Why does Gizmog make such stupid games?â€
For a moment, the great deity said nothing. Then, he spoke.
“DUDE, BECAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHTâ€
At that very moment, I realized that Gizhova wasn’t half the deity that the villagers at the base of the mountain claimed that he was. In fact, he was mostly just a huge asshole, surviving entirely off the natural energy given off by pissed off people. At that moment, I also realized the first reason Giz makes such stupid games.
REASON #1: PROVOCATION
In my view, a lot of Giz’s games were made to provoke various people. Mostly, these are the usual elitists who complain about how only joke games are being made nowadays, and about the lack of seriousness and coherency on the forums. This is the reason why Giz makes so many retarded children on the forums as well, and why he gets banned. Occasionally, Giz’s games targets specific people in the community. Inferior Minion no Ingles is a perfect example of this.
How I employed this in my game should be obvious. The whole game was just an instrumentation to provoke the so-called “heroistsâ€. Consider the title screen, the opening cutscenes, Harlock’s lame attack pattern, etc. Everything in there is intended to throw mud at the heroists in some way. I think I really outdid myself in accomplishing this.
Back to the dream. Anyways, I was really pissed at Gizhova at the moment, but I was also pissed at the villagers at the base of the mountain for making such a big deal out of him. So I took my Staff of Fire and proceeded to burn down the village. But for every house I burned down, those fools would build five more. For a moment, I could only be astonished by their manual efficiency, and then I realized their architectural secret. Instead of building actual walls, they just wrote the word “WALL†on the ground and pretended that it was a wall. No matter how I tried to destroy their village, I could not break their spirit. And at this point, I realized the second reason why Gizmog makes such stupid games.
REASON #2: EASINESS
No matter what people say, it is much more difficult to make a serious game than a joke game. Granted, a good joke game is harder to make than a bad serious game. But a good serious game is harder to make than a good joke game, and a bad serious game is harder to make than a bad joke game, and um.. vice versa.
Granted, I didn’t implement this second reason as well as I did the first. Just about the only obvious thing is that the maptiles were done entirely with words (and my little siggy).
Around this time, I had decided to try to burn the villagers themselves, but accidentally set my shirt on fire and woke up. |
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