| Them's Fightin'
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In the past three weeks, I have been falling behind in my lab work, using the government's property to make a computer game, and I've lost 4 pounds, but all of that's okay, because I present to you, duh-duh-duh-duuh, Dire-OHR-ea.
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| Graphics |
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There is a drastic shift between the total number of graphics, so I'll review each section separately.
Maptiles: Ranges from blindingly crappy to, uh...blindingly pixelated isometry.
Battle: Easily the best part of the game. I installed the Gimp onto the lab's computer and each picture uses its potential 15-colors of splendidness.
Backdrops: Some ripped from old Star Trek scenes, some original ala Gimp. And, uh...NAUGHTY PICTURES!
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| Storyline |
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Well, Stan, the blond, no-shirt-wearing, all-American, sexy man hero, goes into the local pub for a little partying and somehow wounds up having to save the world from Borgs, sexy-destroying aliens. He teleports to their ship and blows stuff up.
In the middle of his blowing stuff up, he sees his long lost brother, fights him, gains his alliance, and they go about blowing up separate parts of the Borgs' ship.
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| Gameplay |
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Dialogue: The characters don't really develop too much depth. There's nothing in the dialogue that suggests that Stan is anything but a sex-loving-muscle-man and that the Borgs are anything but ILliturite CRetuors WHo TUlk LYke THz.
Mini-games: All broken. Boo!
As I mentioned, the game was based off of the rarely used game model where the player can win the game by following directions. This game doesn't really require any skill, whatsoever. Similar to 'Conker's Bad Fur Day', if you were told to shoot dung beetles, you shoot the dung beetles and go onto the next stage. In DireOHRea, you do the exact same. The game tells you to kill borgs, so you kill the borgs. If you're lacking any sense of strategy, then this is the game for you.
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Battle |
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Well, I took the majority of my lunch breaks to create wonderous monster sprites ranging from 80x80 to 160x160. Unfortunately, I give the main character a sword that deals a 1-hit KO to any foe.
The second character, however, also has a near-1-hit-KO attack, but then I give him a stun attack that stuns the enemy for about 1000 ticks. Having an active mind that day, I set the stun cap to prevent the stun from reaching 5000 ticks. Smart, huh?
To Balance this, I give the enemies 1-hit KO attacks as well, in order to have a sort of gun-slinging-dual type of situation going on. Basically, Hold down the spacebar until you've got a chance to use a mango which'll fully replenish your health.
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Map Design |
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As small as they need to be to prevent any unnecessary bug searching.
The maps in the beginning of the game are pretty standard little rooms. But the Borgs' ship is an isometric-castle in the most simplistic way. Based on the 3d castles found in EOTE2, I made the castles non-gradient (because those hurt my eyes).
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Balance |
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Balance for battle? As balanced as it needs to be. You've got a 1-hit KO hit, he's got a 1-hit KO hit, you've got a super-200%-health-healing-mango, he- doesn't.
Tip it in favor of the player. But that's good, because this isn't one of those games that you'll have to think about. You just...fight.
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| Music |
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I used two songs from Setu_Firestorm's 'Children of the Sky' album, but I soon realized that they didn't fit as well as I would've liked them too. However, they were still better than anything else I could find.
Everything else is all ripped. From varying sources as the Star Trek series, DDR, Naruto, Mega Man Zero, Lufia, Nightmare before Christmas, Vengeboys, Rocky, Pirates of the Carribean, and I have no idea where angel_of_death_angel's_return.MID came from.
Overall, I believe that they were decently placed. Not perfectly, but good enough for this game.
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| Enjoyment |
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Being the maker of this game, I enjoyed it very much. It's humor is far beyond the average OHRian fart joke.
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| Final Blows |
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The game's not terrible, but it isn't the greatest game either.
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Whaa? |
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Final Scores
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Graphics: 8/10.0 |
+9 for battle graphics
-2 for horrible intro graphics
+1 for isometric ship interior.
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Storyline: 7/10.0
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As good as a ten minute game needs it to be. |
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Gameplay: 6/10.0 |
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Hold down the spacebar and you'll probably win, except for the pre-final boss battle.
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Music: 7/10.0
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Using Setu's music+9
Not giving it the placement it deserves -3 (Bad TH!)
Rocky theme in porno shop +1 |
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Enjoyment: 8/10.0
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Worth every bit of the 1.6 mb download. This game's gonna be a keeper (until the content gets old). But I had fun, and I've got a strong sense that you will too.
Abundance of skipped-over mini games=bad. |
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Overall Grade:
C+ |
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| Final Thoughts |
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I believe that my three weeks' worth of lunch breaks was worth it for this game. Although I am now morbidly anorexic, I still think that this game is, well, good. It's also the best way (I think) to spend ten minutes.
If you've got anything better to say, then I challenge you to review this!
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