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    5) Summertime Surlaw by The Wobbler
OMFG TIZ ROXORZ (Special Edition) vs. Gizmog1
OMFG TIZ ROXORZ (Special Edition) Engrave these words in your memory.
JSH357
Download: 122B
V.S.
Gizmog1
Play Time: A lifetime to master hours and A minute to learn minutes
Review # 3 for Gizmog1 Engrave these words in your memory.
Them's Fightin' Words
    I stand here, as a man lost. A man of mistakes, of regret. As a much wiser man noted, I am Error. I can only pray for forgiveness. Even now, my mind floats through the past. Could it have been different? Would I now make it so? Where did I take a deviant turn towards wreck and ruin? It all goes back to that night.
Graphics
    That night. Though time and drugs have taken their toll, it remains barely, like a barn reclaimed by the fields. The details and specifics are gone forever, but the flavor lingers, a bittersweet reminder of an era that I never wanted to be a part of. But I was a part of it, and had I not been, things would have been different.  
Storyline
    It all began at Big Jim Calvada's Sweet 16 Birthday party.
Though I'd been invited, I was still a stranger. They spoke as in tongues, of brews and broths, herbs and shoots, all manner of things which seemed to poor naive me as more the place of an African Witch Doctor than a birthday party. Oh, how I learned otherwise.

I was given a cocktail glass containing a foul pink liquid. No sooner had I begun to take a sip than the crowd around me laughed. A strange lad with a mohawk dropped a lit match into it. The cocktail began a slow, hazy burn, and I lowered my nose to the edge of the glass. My nostrils filled with the scent of cotton candy, and almost at once, my senses were aloof.

There was a fiesta in my soul, everything on my person was either sweating, shaking, or burning. I had to cool down, or I was gonna explode. I began running, trying to extinguish this new sensation. I found my relief moments later, in a rain squall. A siren wailed, trying to lure me onto her jagged rocks. I tried to resist, but my legs moved towards her, and I battered myself against the cold sharp rocks of the shore.

It was only later that I was told that my mind in it's flight of fancy had charged into a shower, and that the siren was no other than Big Betty Calvada, and the rocks I battered myself against were Big Jim's fists.

But I didn't know that yet. Matter of fact, the first thing I knew when I woke up, I was tied up in the back of Big Jim's schoolbus. I was going for a ride, and everyone who took a ride with Big Jim wound up in no shape to walk home.

Even in my delirium, I realized I had to escape. Fortunately, in his haste to tie me up, he'd failed to properly bind me to anything. Thus, I leapt to my feet (Literally, for my legs were too tightly tied to one another to even try and step) and hopped down the aisle, to the back of the bus. I fell forward against the emergency door, took 3 bounces off the pavement, and rolled to a stop at a tree, overlooking the grand gorge of man's defeat.

I closed my eyes and slept; for how long, I don't know. I awoke to the words of a stranger, who stood overlooking the ravine. He was telling his story to the wind, a tale like my own, of misfortune, regret, and deadends. I listened in shock, vowing that I would never repeat his mistakes, and would live my life clean and simple, but deep down I knew that I was doomed to repeat his mistakes, and meet my ultimate destiny.

He too was married to his fate. As he finished his tale, he spoke unto me sage words of advice, and beseeched me not to follow in his likeness. With a nod, and a single tear rolling down his cheek, he turned and stepped forever into the night.

I lapsed once more into unconciousness. When I awoke, I peered over the cliff, at the last remains of this one true friend. I cried no tears for him, but returned to my life, hoping that I could succeed where he had failed.

Only now at the end of it all do I return. To the place where it all began. The place where I had my great failure.
 
Gameplay
    There is no time for gameplay when life and death are on the line. Quit playing the fool, and listen to the advice which will save your life.  
  Battle
    The battle is eternal, between man and his inherent lust for misery. You must not surrender, always fight to the end. That is what I have learned.  
  Map Design
    Life is not fair, it is designed to be cruel. Don't even try to reach outside of your meaningless existence, everything is destiny, and it will happen with or without your meddling.  
  Balance
    The balance of life is tilted, always against you. Though you must always be down, you must not allow it to defeat you. Be happy in your defeat. I go laughing to my grave.  
Music
    There is no music to this moment but the blowing of the wind in the trees, and my heart pounding in my skull, before it is silenced forever.  
Enjoyment
    It is the enjoyment which has brought me to my unfortunate end. The evils of this world are seductive and destroying, and though they leave you a patchwork of fond memories, they ultimately leave you hollow, and condemned to death.  
Final Blows
    At this, the conclusion of life, just as my friend, I shall leave only with words of advice, and a single tear for the life that could have been.
I can linger in this world no longer. I have had my fun, I have said my peace, and now, I shall make my reimbursement. With a kiss, I die.

I can linger in this world no longer. I have had my fun, I have said my peace, and now, I shall make my reimbursement. With a kiss, I die.
Final Scores
Graphics: 3.5/10.0
It is a gorgeous sight. The valley of death. Truely deserving of my last vision.
Storyline: 5/10.0
The story is as old and worn as time itself, of man versus his ignorance, his arrogance, and his impotence.
Gameplay: 5.5/10.0
It is a fun ride, but in the end, there is nothing.
Music: 10/10.0
The music of the chorus of the damned, inviting me welcoming me into their arms, is the only music I hear.
Enjoyment: 7.5/10.0
I have enjoyed my fall into darkness. Though it is fun, it will only end in tragedy. Do not follow, child.
Overall Grade: B-
Final Thoughts
    Do not weep for me. Only learn from me.

One must always trust in his own power.

Only then may one be an ascended, or ultra human being.

Never give up!

Stand adamant when facing any challenge!

Goodbye...
 


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