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    1) Sword of Jade: Parallel Dreams reviewed by JSH357
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    4) Tightfloss Maiden reviewed by yhposolihP
    5) A Blank Mind reviewed by Dorumagesu
Super Walrus Chef: War of the Food vs. Uncommon
Super Walrus Chef: War of the Food THIS BLING IS QUITE POWERFUL
The Wobbler
Download: 152B
V.S.
Uncommon
Play Time: 2 hours and 20 minutes
Review # 13 for Uncommon THIS BLING IS QUITE POWERFUL
Them's Fightin' Words
    PHC, has, in the space of two months, totally changed the image of older game, Walthro, with the release of its parody/sequel, Walthrus: Return of the Crystals. One of the biggest changes was in Super Walrus Man, the altruistic superhero from the first game, who made his re-emergence in homicidal maniac who SPOKE IN ALL CAPS, measured a person's worth by how many people they had murdered, and killed about half of the characters.

Now, Super Walrus Man has returned for his own chance at the spotlight, and the bloodfest shall begin...

This, however, is a cooking game.
Graphics
    The graphics in this game are the best Walthros has ever had. That really isn't sayng too much, especially since ROTC's graphics were a joke...literally. The graphics to this game are really more on par wiht Gihern, though, in my opinion, a little better (Grimace isn't pink anymore!). One thing that did bug me was how big Super Walrus Man's back was in his right and left walkabouts. It was just huge, man, especially next to his comparitively small head. If you choose Super Walrus FUNK, of course, that fabulous afro will cancel it out and make him look generally funky.

Most of the walkabouts use a heavy gradient, but didn't look incredibly terrible with it. I was particularly impressed by the texture on the house, but the floors were a little griddy. Also, the grass, while not airbrushed (wee!), looked a bit weird. I'm thinking it's the darkest color that just made it look a little off.
 
Storyline
    It's been five years since Walthrus: Return of the Crystals. Super Walrus Man has lost all of his money to drugs and cheap hookers, and has gone to Ciadna City to escape the debt collectors. He finds himself in a low rent housing complex run by his grandfather, the great and mighty Earl, who permits him to stay at very pricy condemned shack. In order to pay his rather high rent and make enough money to take his revenge on his debtors, Super Walrus Man registers for the War of the Food Tournament, an Iron Chef-esque cooking contest.

One thing to say about this game is that the dialogue is great. Very, very funny. Most of the cameos won't be anything like how you know the characters, but they're still great. Cookie Monster came off as a little piratey and rather scary, but very great. I enjoyed most of the judges' info sheets, especially Grimace's ("An immortal from the legendary land of Sweden. His power is immeasurable, and his motivations are unknown") and Vader's ("Years of drug abuse and failed attempts to rekindle his most famous series of films has left him a shadow of a man"), but I certainly didn't like Spider-Man's. It made him look like a huge wuss (like Superman, or some other not-half-as-cool superhero)...
 
Gameplay
    The gameplay in Super Walrus Chef mostly revolves around the War of the Food (more details on that under "Battle"). But, when you're not doing that, you also have the option to maintain your house and acquire "bling". This certainly made the game for me. I mean, sure, the War of the Fod's great and all, but the game wouldn't be half as fun if that's all you did. So, go on, become the king of bling. Get Jesus to fix up your house. Get some appliances from the Goomba. You know you want to.  
  Battle
    There aren't any battles in the traditional sense, but the War of the Food really should count, I would think.
The War of the Food is a very nicely plotscripted game. Sure, it's really just a few on-keypress menus, but it is pretty fun. There are 17 judges (including the Invisible one), all with their own biases toward certain foods and certain contestants. You'll get three judges per match. Your job is to work their biases to lean them toward you. You do this by choosing three ingredients to make your dish out of. If the judges like that dish, you'll get more points than your opponent, and, in a normal match (not against the MYSTERY COOK MASTER), $225 (after rent). If not, your opponent will win, and you'll only get $40.

Your opponents are:
Cookie Monster ("This is making me hungry. You won't like me when I'm hungry.")
Mustard ("Go to home.")
Gollum ("You must train hard to defeat my dragon punch. Also, Yoga Flame? Yes.")
Penguingo ("Your a member of Grimace's Great Group of Friends, aren't you?")
Evil Kermit ("WORMS.")

Once you have beaten each of them, you will be able to challenge the MYSTERY COOK MASTER for the championship title and the grand prize of $100,000.
 
  Map Design
    There really isn't anything notable about the map design. All of it was really just there, and most of it was rather boxy.  
  Balance
    Between the great dialogue, the tournament, and the acquisition of bling, Super Walrus Chef is very good at keeping the player involved, and not boring them too quickly. Very nice.  
Music
    ...Sorry.  
Enjoyment
    Super Walrus Chef was very enjoyable. The multiple endings, the great jokes, especially the battle introductions. All of it made his game a very enjoyable experience. The ability to choose the skins was great, too. Also, the importance of taking notes is something that you don't see too often in games these days.  
Final Blows
    So, it was a good game, but it did lack a bit of ruling with an iron fist, and Super Walrus Man's hands were a bit clean throughout the whole thing. Another thing I noticed was that there was really only one kind of meat in the War of the Food. There seemed to be something wrong with that. But, anyway, everyone should play this game, if not for the cooking or the bling, than for one of the most frightening depictions of a Sesame Street character you're likely to ever see.
Fighting...urge...to give...bad review...

Fighting...urge...to give...bad review...
Final Scores
Graphics: 7/10.0
Walthros has never looked so good.
Storyline: 7/10.0
The plot really just sets the background more than anything else, but the dialogue was great.
Gameplay: 8/10.0
Involving, and generally fun.
Music: 5/10.0
Can't hear it, sorry.
Enjoyment: 9/10.0
A thoroughly enjoyable experience. I'd highly reccomend this one.
Overall Grade: B+
Final Thoughts
    "You've selected Ninja Walrus Man. It is said that this walrus entered the world through a portal in the Forest of Resurrection. He uses Dark Energy and Ultra Ninjitsu to demolish all that stand in his way, living or dead. His body is made of doom."  


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