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Walthros: Return of the Crystals vs. JSH357
Walthros: Return of the Crystals LOL WUT IZ NEXT?!
The Wobbler
Download: 152B
V.S.
JSH357
Play Time: 1 hours and 45 minutes
Review # 14 for JSH357 LOL WUT IZ NEXT?!
Them's Fightin' Words
    Walthrus: Return of the Crystals is the greatest of all OHR "movies." Arfenhouse? Forget Arfenhouse- this work is so much funnier that it's difficult to compare the two. Be forewarned if you are looking for a great game to play, however, that this will not satisfy your desire. Walthrus, while it is most definitely game, doesn't really need to be. I played the game only for the story scenes and obscure references- the battles are unentertaining at best.

I'm not sure if the creator of this game intended this theme, but Walthrus is an incredibly great parallel to its predecessor. The original game, Walthros, is long-hailed as one of the most entertaining games on the engine. Return of the Crystals does a very good job of both entertaining and demystifying its ancestor. Not every player will pick up on the overall idea, but it is very interesting- the original Walthros has very little differences from the story that is attacked so harshly in this parody. Even the battles fit this theme: they're the same thing over and over again.

A final note: Play both Walthros and Totally Gihern before this game- if you want to get most of the jokes.
Graphics
    Walthrus is one of those special cases where, although the graphics are horrendous, they fit the game's theme perfectly. I honestly don't think that this game could have been done better visually. There's not much to say about this game's graphics in general- they're bad, and they're supposed to be.

Additionally, Walthrus contains (probably over a hundred) cutscenes, both theme fitting and referential to stereotypical geek culture. I honestly didn't recognize 80% of the references in this game (I'm not really a true nerd- just a passive one), but they fit the game so well that they made me laugh anyway. There were even some cutscenes in Walthrus that were almost perfectly animated! Very impressive work.
 
Storyline
    From this point on, I will split this section into two subsections: Story and Dialogue.
Dialogue is an integral element of story-intensive games, and deserves to have its own section. And so it shall.

Story

Walthrus is, of course, a parody of Walthros. Nearly every event in the game is a direct parallel to the original or pokes fun at the weaknesses of the original. My favorite scene from Walthros (toward the end) was actually cut out of this game, but its disappearance was at least 'covered.'

I like every single one of the changes made to the characters since the original game. Bob is an annoying 'little girl' stereotype; Salom is a gangsta-type character; Super Walrus Man is a psychopathic killer; etc. One weakness of Walthros' was that its characters were essentially just there to fill in for the game's various races and lacked interesting personalities.

Dialogue

This game is hilarious. Really... you have to play the game to understand just how funny it is. All of the characters have distinct dialects and do a great job characterizing themselves. I actually stopped taking notes on how great this game's dialogue was- there were way too many spoilers. No spoilers please :(
 
Gameplay
    This is split into sections, so I will do it as instructed.

Here is my new disclaimer for the 'Gameplay' section. My reasoning for several attacks may be based upon what is written in the disclaimer.
These can be taken both literally and in a figurative sense.
Also, my disclaimer will change as I write reviews, since I pick up new rules along the way.
1. No game should be played 'just for fun.' This doesn't mean that games shouldn't be fun. It just means that the entire purpose of a game shouldn't be 'having fun-' after all, not all movies are comedies, hmm?
2. Shock value is useless and should be left out of games if in excess.
3. Effort/Length does not equal quality.
4. The movie can indeed be better than the book; the game can indeed be better than the book.
5. Most games are just bad remakes of other games.
6. A game should explain any abnormal features without a manual.
 
  Battle
    This is the worst part about Walthrus. The battles are "hold-down-the-space-bar" battles. Throughout the entire game. None of the characters' abilities are interesting at all: the only reason to watch the battles is to see the backdrops. I think that the battles should have been left out of this game or made interesting at the very least. On the other hand, having terrible battles DOES fit this game's theme. Still, I edited the game's stats on my second run just so I could breeze through these things.  
  Map Design
    Walthrus' poor map design is most likely another expression of its Walthros-bashing theme. The maps are all linear and generally forgettable-, and so were the original game's. Don't worry about getting lost, though: Bob will tell you PRECISELY where everything is. :p  
  Balance
    Covered this in 'Battles.'  
Music
    N/A  
Enjoyment
    You might be surprised how enjoyable this game is, especially if you have played the original game. If you haven't played the original, you won't catch the parallel to Walthros and probably won't understand a few of the game's jokes. In general, I enjoyed this game immensely both times that I played it. I can't really recommend playing it more than once, though. I just did that to write the review.  
Final Blows
    Walthrus: Return of the Crystals is a must-play. It's short enough to stay interesting, and what's there is solid gold. I remember imagining an entirely different game when I first downloaded this, but I'm glad that Surlaw made this game instead. It's beautiful... and gray.
Bob is my god.

Bob is my god.
Final Scores
Graphics: 9.5/10.0
They aren't aesthetically good, but that was kind of the point. The flashing tiles were brilliant. I honestly don't see how Surlaw could have done better.
Storyline: 9/10.0
Hilarious, and it will make you think twice about Walthros' greatness for certain.

Story score: 8.5/10
Dialogue score: 9.5/10
Gameplay: 4/10.0
Eh... it would have been better as a movie. Collecting the items was interesting, but the battles were just terrible. I recommend making a game like this more like a treasure hunt.
Music: 10/10.0
Nil
Enjoyment: 9.5/10.0
Very funny and very well designed. You might not enjoy if you're a crazed feminist or something.
Overall Grade: A
Final Thoughts
    One of the funniest games available to the OHR Community, and worth playing- but play the original and Totally Gihern first!  


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