Castle Paradox

Redmage18*** · **Has left** Joined: 28 Aug 2003 Posts: 126

I posted this on another forum site so I'm going to post it here..
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I changed it to what leroy wrote:
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It started one night when me and some crazy pirates were on a mission. The Captain, who we called Ahab, hired us to hunt a mysterious white fish creature he saw. He told us of how this creature ate his last meatball sub, and we all thought he was crazy. He'd even start to flinch every time he saw something white.

He once told us a tale of how a flying boy in tights threw him in the ocean and he almost got gobbled up by a white and mysterious fish. None of the other sailors believed him.

But one day we were just fishing, when a white looking furry fish thing jumped up.

"Kill the thing I'll pay ye extra if ye do it!!" The captain howled. The men tried to kill it when I stopped them telling them it was only a small thing. This was all in the captain’s head.

This thing seemed to be a flying mole bat with a red thing on its head.
"Kuupo!" it yelled ecstatically.

"Aww! It's soo cuute! Can we keep him, captain?" asked the big sailor. Of course the crazy captain said no, shouting how it almost ate him and ate his meatball sub.

The creature apologized and explained it was a monster called levitation that tried to gobble the captain up. Yet it was the moogle that ate his sandwich, and he explained how he was flying all day and hadn't had a bite to eat.

The sailors were shocked. They had no idea the moogle could eat his sub up in one bite. They didn't know the thing could talk for that matter.

Just then, a giant snake-like water monster rose up and destroyed the ship and all. Except for me. Luckily, the moogle pulled me to the shore of an island called mogolia.

Unfortunately, this moogle was the only one that could speak my language. The others spoke kuponese. If only I hadn't dropped out of that kuponese class!

Now I live here on this island, taking care of the moogles hoping to some day to return to my home.

Jjkaybomb · Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 6:11 am Post subject:

Holllllllllly crap this story was on my site too....
_________________
A man once said to the Universe "Sir! I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "This does not create in me a sense of obigation."
~Stephen Crane

Moogle1 · Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 7:15 am Post subject:

...

That's it, I'm changing my screen name.
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Slime Salad :: Independent Game Design

Gizmog1 · Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:43 pm Post subject:

I second that emotion.

(As a note for next time, try to post your story divided into sentences and paragraphs, it makes it much easier to read than just one big blob of text. If it weren't borrowing from Peter Pan, Final Fantasy, it might also be a little better. I give it two hehs and a hurm.)

Redmage18*** · **Has left** Joined: 28 Aug 2003 Posts: 126

umm giz you forgot to mention moby dick.

I joined your site, jj

I'm Hatzi_Blackcats

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 1:08 pm Post subject: Re: The Isle of Mogolia

I shouldn't do this, but if you don't mind, RedMage.
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It started one night when me and some crazy pirates were on a mission. The Captain, who we called Ahab, hired us to hunt a mysterious white fish creature he saw. He told us of how this creature ate his last meatball sub, and we all thought he was crazy. He'd even start to flinch every time he saw something white.

He once told us a tale of how a flying boy in tights threw him in the ocean and he almost got gobbled up by a white and mysterious fish. None of the other sailors believed him.

But one day we were just fishing, when a white looking furry fish thing jumped up.

"Kill the thing I'll pay ye extra if ye do it!!" The captain howled. The men tried to kill it when I stopped them telling them it was only a small thing. This was all in the captain’s head.

This thing seemed to be a flying mole bat with a red thing on its head.
"Kuupo!" it yelled ecstatically.

"Aww! It's soo cuute! Can we keep him, captain?" asked the big sailor. Of course the crazy captain said no, shouting how it almost ate him and ate his meatball sub.

The creature apologized and explained it was a monster called levitation that tried to gobble the captain up. Yet it was the moogle that ate his sandwich, and he explained how he was flying all day and hadn't had a bite to eat.

The sailors were shocked. They had no idea the moogle could eat his sub up in one bite. They didn't know the thing could talk for that matter.

Just then, a giant snake-like water monster rose up and destroyed the ship and all. Except for me. Luckily, the moogle pulled me to the shore of an island called mogolia.

Unfortunately, this moogle was the only one that could speak my language. The others spoke kuponese. If only I hadn't dropped out of that kuponese class!

Now I live here on this island, taking care of the moogles hoping to some day to return to my home.
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I kept some of the word choice for the sake of culoquial. It's just how the narrator talks. I also took a few liberties with some of the words, so I hope you are not offended, RedMage.
You know, once you understand the story, it makes a lot more sense. This is actually pretty intriguing. It has a lot of rehashed characters, but the main character (the narrator) seems to be interesting. Go ahead and tell me if you plan to continue this, RM. I could give you some coaching. Believe it or not, I am capable of this.
_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

Jjkaybomb · Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 1:42 pm Post subject:

If anybody read the rules....
http://www.castleparadox.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=169

You can see, they don't want any fanfictions here. Nice story but...
_________________
A man once said to the Universe "Sir! I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "This does not create in me a sense of obigation."
~Stephen Crane

Redmage18*** · **Has left** Joined: 28 Aug 2003 Posts: 126

I'm not offended leroy.

Infact I'll change it to what you put down. Big grin

Moogle1 · Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 9:42 pm Post subject:

This is no more fanfiction than a story using hobbits is a fanfiction of LOTR.
_________________

Slime Salad :: Independent Game Design

Redmage18*** · **Has left** Joined: 28 Aug 2003 Posts: 126

I know a story of a hobbit.

Lenerd Nemoy comes out and starts singing Bilbo the hobbit.

/m start singing with him.

Bilbo bilbo bilbo.

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 1:31 pm Post subject:

"Biiilbo. Biiilbo Baggins. Greatest little Hobbit of them all."
Raspberry!

Owned... <.<

It's ok, Miss JJ. Let the Operators decide if a thread or post needs to be deleted. They can spot a bad thread in a snow storm. I too once tried to police things not too long ago, and I learned from that mistake. It really makes the person doing it sound no better than the offender. Just passing the knowledge down. *tips hat*
_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

Jjkaybomb · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 3:42 pm Post subject:

Dammit, I don't even listen to me. I just point out every little mistake in everything. That's how I rule in debate. This place would be in mortal peril if I was running it.
_________________
A man once said to the Universe "Sir! I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "This does not create in me a sense of obigation."
~Stephen Crane

The Wobbler · Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Posts: 2221