Castle Paradox

Ysoft_Entertainment

Ok, here goes the Story of A duck named Ted,

Once upon a time, there was a duck. His name was Ted. Ted was a fighter, who defended the innocent ducks from all the evil. Every battle that Ted fought, he was victorious, except for one battle, that he lost his life. It was a battle against, Hawk-Eye, an evil wolf lord who one day decided to go and defeat the duck clan...

to be continued.

so what do you guys think so far?

let me know.
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OHRGFX
Striving to become better pixel artist then Fenrir Lunaris. Unfortunately the laziness gets in the way of my goals.

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 8:04 am Post subject:

It's ok for starters, but needs a TON of story and character development. Like maybe a reason for the evils or something. For instance, what does the evil have to gain from in taking out the ducks.
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Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

That is creative to the Max Like Whoa.

I have learned as a writer that revealing lots of information at the beginning of the story is good but leaving out details builds mystery and questioning which is also good. I mean, telling mostly everything and leaving little gaps can help develope interest in stories.

Ysoft_Entertainment · Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 4:12 pm Post subject:

....Now wolf clan and duck clan was waging war with each other for a very long time. In fact, it was so long that no one remembers the reason why war started at all.

Ted was an average duck with an adventurous spirit. One day he was walking home with his friends, he noticed that something wasn't right... The village was on fire! He rushed home. Only to find out that his house was in chaos, but still didn't catch on fire. He went in and looking for his parents, but found a note with the folloing message.
If you wanna see your parents again, come to the wolf mountain where all the ducks are held hostage. I wanna have a little chat with you.
------Hawk-Eye.

Hawk-Eye wanted to insure that he gets rid of all the ducks, he found out that everyone but few has been captured. Ted was furious, he decided to finish the war once and for all....

To be continued..
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Uncommon · Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 5:50 pm Post subject:

Question:

Why would Hawk-Eye lure Ted with hostages instead of just attacking him on the road and feasting on his entrails? A wolf is easily capable of overpowering a few ducks, as shown by the fact that the wolves had already taken the entire village hostage.

Also, why Ted? What's so special about him that Hawk-Eye would single him out and not burn his house?

You've gotta think about these things. Little details are what help the story make sense.

Ysoft_Entertainment · Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 6:55 pm Post subject:

ok, a little background information on characters

Ted: A decendant of the duck that wiped out the whole wolf village for the fact that and evil wolf killed all of his family members(not Ted's).

Hawk-Eye: the reincarnation of the evil wolf, so naturally he wanna kill anyone who has anything to do with the guy who killed him.

hopefully this will clarify things a bit
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LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 7:05 am Post subject:

Pretty interesting. A reincarnation that still remembers what he was originally sent to do? Cool...

maybe later in the story you can have the character learn from the "evil wolf" what he remembers (the wolf that is) about how the war started. Most start out with some stupid dissagreement, just so you know, so you might want to think of something bigger. Dare I give you a suggestion? (Maybe it is over life styles. The wolves are jealous of the ducks' life styles. perhaps... maybe.)
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Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "