Castle Paradox

[junahu]

Well... after 2 hours. I final played through all the games in the.zip

And to really aggravate anyone who didn't vote for me. I spent a few more hours making this post. (goto the bottom to find my vote).

ATK OF THE ORNGE CRU
Graphics: Definitely among the worst in this contest (which of course is a good thing considering these games are supposed to be bad). Solid blocks of colour starkly contrast garish, undecipherable airbrushed tiles. your walkabout is identical to all the others in the game, consisting of a grey stick figure on a vomit inducing peach square background.
Sounds: Ow my ears! complete blabbering nonsense from your speakers. And silent battles too.
Battles: This game excels at crap battles. 1 move doing 1hp damage. All you fight
is other stick figures, some with stupid amount of health.

"Shallow and devoid of form at even a rudimentary level"

Bad ass motha
Graphics: Epilepsy sufferers will NOT like this game at all. Clever use plotscripting gives the maptiles more flashing colours than the should normally be possible. Everything flashes on and off at a nauseating pace. This gives the bunny pictures you collect a demonic flare. Your walkabout also flashes and even changes to a completely different picture when you move left. To cap this all off there is clip show of bawdy pictures as a 'reward'. These aren't the worst graphics in the collection by a long shot but they still convey the message of 'why am I playing this?'
Sounds: The music is bearable. However, it is a dreadfully repetitive march melody. Disturbingly the music feels as if it's timed to stop just before the bunny picture appears.
Battles: The only battle is the battle of ethic values at the very end. The right decision is only rewarded with more temptation, while the wrong one leads to social rejection. A suitably perverted end to a game about bunnies.

"The music and feeling of accomplishment when you find a bunny stop this from reaching its terrible potential"

DJFenix
Graphics: Not the worst since you can still tell what each map is supposed to be, but they are still disturbing. The map always looks small (thanks to the tiny trees even in enclosed small spaces) which gave me the feeling that I was going far, fast. The walkabout is clever, using the same colour as water for the trunks so that if he went into water it would look like he was swimming. There is even an animated maptile for the water (okay so it just flips horizontally, which makes the water seem less than tranquil).
Sounds: Lovely default music packaged with the engine! Its sickening merry go round melody does not suit the mood of the game whatsoever but it won't have you tearing out your ears at least.
Battles: One battle. Not only could I not finish it, but it seems that even if I had won fairly, nothing would have happened. This is the worst thing you can do with a battle, remove the reward.

"This is an uncomfortable game to rate. It's not terrible, but it states nothing ironic in particular. It sits in the purgatory of mediocre. This makes the game 'terrible' in its own queer little way"



Fung’s 1 battle crappy quest
Graphics: The most limiting tileset of them all. A grass tile, and a sea tile. A pleasantly tiny clichéd island is the host to this duel between a blue headed stick figure, and a stump that has the exact same walkabout as fung. Like many of these games, this uses the default sandsea picture as the battle background. However, this time, it actually suits the location.
Sounds: More default imported bam music. The game is short anyway so you'll hardly notice it.
Battles: The title states only one battle and that's what you get. The typical slap the enemy around while he slaps you around knowing that he'll die first anyway. The introduction to the battle is the wittiest dialogue I've read in these games, making the battle itself even more pointless and contrived.

"It's too short to grate. But its simple statement about random battles made me laugh. Too bad we don't rate these games on the basis of enjoyment"

Hentai quest
Graphics: Many people will vote for this regardless, because hentai is a shallow medium to ply any form of art into the crevasse of adolescent fantasy. Right from the title screen you can see that this is just one big pron archive. After wincing through three aisle of the filth, I was pleased to find a picture of an old man staring back at me. It made me chuckle, no, it made me laugh very loud. Ironic message? Or just ran out of hentai? Who knows?
Sounds: A bouncy jingle makes sport out of watching pencil drawn girls in compromising positions. The music therefore is well suited to making this seem even more of a perverted game
Battles: No battle, unless its with your conscience. I would have so loved to beam that store owner though.

"It's not a game, it's a relatively small selection of dribble that rolls out of teenagers mouths as they watch this dribble. Because of its subject choice, people will hate this, or pretend to hate this to mask the fact they love it."

Legend of the crystals
Graphics: Simple tilemap. Lots of colours, lots of airbrush and lots of blank tiles. The world, though incomprehensible, is simple and clear. Its dark, empty feel is supported by the excessive wandering you'll find yourself doing. Uniquely, this game is actually complete rather than a couple of maps linked together. Although purposefully retarded in its execution, there are many semi-creative facets in the game, such as having to collect 5 crystals etc. Palette swapping is high, with the main character and Jak being one and the same with the rest of the area's inhabitants. Battle graphics are bad, but they're disturbingly accurate for a terrible game contest. There's even a boss character. A BOSS CHARACTER!!
Sounds: Chillingly silent. No music at all. This feels very much like a newbie game (This element I assume, is emulated by the game's author). But the lack of sound has a calming effect on the game as a whole. With other games I was driven to finish them as soon as possible but with this, I felt like I could wander aimlessly for hours.
Battles: Lots of battles. Lots of imbalance. Jak is uber powerful and when the time comes to replace him BAM! One of your characters gets his stats and moves. This leaves us with one useless character. An ironic statement about main characters I suppose. The battles are all too easy except for one, which is difficult in comparison to previous battles, and the sword items are redundant since you'll never need to use them.

"This is a complete game. Unlike everyone else’s. Of course, this means that the game isn't terrible at all and falls (rises up?) into the mediocre crowd."

Newbie game
Graphics: This is one of a number of extreme irony games. These games typically end almost immediately after they started. These people must of figured that no game at all is the worst game you can submit. In this game, we see LELELELELELELELE on a black screen for 1 second before the game is finished and returns to the title screen. Perhaps in this case, the irony wasn't that no game is the worst game, but that no game is the best game from a newbie.
Sounds: The title music teeters on incoherent, but seems familiar somehow, like an unheard soundtrack to a sonic level. The second of the game itself it totally silent to emphasise the point that the author was trying to make.
Battles: N/A

"One of the few that spared us the misery of playing through a worse game. But, is this really a submission at all? 1 textbox + titlescreen does not equal a game"

Put on shoes RPG
Graphics: Blank maps are by default, black. Which makes it an unpleasant surprise
to see that white is the predominant colour. This wasteland of white is undisturbed
by the number of npcs dotted around. This is because the walkabouts are simple
outlines. It feels like you're controlling a walking scribble on a piece of paper.
Sounds: Another silent game relying on its graphics and gameplay to make the game
terrible. This is an example of people underestimating the power of music to aggravate people.
Battles: There are no battles. In fact, this game lasts 10 seconds before you unwittingly stumble into and infinite text box loop. If that doesn't make people angry then they are cold emotionless robots.

"Short and redundant"

Pain and suffering
Graphics: The least threatening to the eye graphics of the whole contest. The graphics are actually decent. This means that the game relies on other means to make the game painful and insane. You control a psychopath. Not only that but through his vocabulary, you actually get to see into the mind of a psychopath. The walkabout perfectly complements the battle graphics. Without a high standard of graphics, this would lose its dark humour.
Sounds: The greatest humour of all is the ironic placing of music. The music is happy and carefree. You are a convict breaking out of prison. Such a combination will either make you vomit or laugh or laugh through your vomit.
Battles: You are informed personally to press F4 during battles. This is a direct satire on the games that begin with dialogue telling you how to move or bring up your menu. The game forces you to take the dishonourable path through it, just like a psychopath. Just don't bother too hard trying to get out of the blind maze or you'll end up back where you started.

"'Terrible' is considered in a new light with this game. It's just you, trapped in an enclosed space with two convicts, driving you slowly insane."

Super battle engine 04
Graphics: This is another 'finished before it started' games. This time it's a direct assault on plotscript heavy games. It faithfully recreates an engine crash. Even down to the script buffer overflow messages.
Sounds: 2 seconds of sound followed by the repeated Duuuuuuuuuuuuur of the game crashing. Not a lot of sound, but it is very convincing nevertheless.
Battles: N/A

"Script buffer 'Go to hell'. It emulates an agonising experience with good humour. But it doesn't really say too much about terrible games."

THE WROLLD OF DUM
Graphics: Not eye gougingly bad, but they still make you feel as if you're going to die. One maptile. The tile itself has no meaning or purpose; it may as well have been black. The npcs have a strikingly hideous appearance. A big crooked grimace spreads over everyone’s face with the words 'kill me' embossed in them. A piece of cheek curls one of his eyes upwards. His sickening bounce knaws away at your own sanity. The npc graphic in this game is by far the most effective in the collection.
Sounds: Make it stop PLEASE! Ears will bleed if you listen to the music for more than a second. The constant chiming and ringing and bleeping would drive anybody stark raving mad.
Battles: You are Hitler. As everyone knows, Hitler is impossibly slow and fights black demons from hell. This game is just begging to be destroyed by activists. The concept alone will keep you from trying in battle and will probably force you to exit the game immediately.

"Hitler is bad. So is a toothy grin that reads 'kill me'. This person has gone a little overboard in making people hate this game"

Hable no ingles
Graphics: I loved them! This game looks ever so abstract. Everything from the walls to framed pictures of Minnek to even a clown is represented by a black tile with the name of the object written across it. It's also a brilliant work around the sexual orientation of the game. On that subject, this game is definitely the lewdest crudest and rudest game ever created. The whole game is about sex and beer. You wander from location to identical location (thanks to the visual style, all places and things look the same)
trying to get beer, which in turn leads to sex with the Giz. The plot in this game is rather ironically the most complex in the competition.
Sound: No sound. It helps the game seem more abstract and atmospheric. Meeting Minnek with some crappy bam blaring on and on would ruin the scene.
Battles: There is one creative battle in the game. However it's short and more of something to facilitated story progression that anything else.

"Bawdy at least. But its visual style can trigger us to think critically about love and sex rather than admire it."

The man who wears purple
Graphics: A badly drawn text box operated fmv kicks this game off. The graphics are competent to a point where you can see where you're going all the time. cliché gradient trees and airbrushed walls are common place in this game giving it a bouncy cartoony feel rather than a serious one. Walkabouts are mainly outlines, which can often make locating your particular outline a hassle.
Sound: Well chosen and placed by mood. But each song has an annoying element which
begins to grate really fast (such as the beeps in the intro music). The music still maintains a cartoony feel for the game though.
Battles: A lot of button mashing here. When you finally fight the man in purple, just leave a brick on spacebar and go make yourself a cup of tea or something. The bouncy feel of the game makes you think you're actually doing something rather than continuously tap spacebar.

"This game unlocks the true power of ms paint unto the world. Its competence also
lands itself a firm position in the mediocre pile"

OMG TIZ ROXORS TOO!!
Graphics: This could very much be the arfenhouse of this competition. Completely random but engrossing all the same. There is no playable element here so you are spared that grief. This is just one long cutscene with most of the cp members chipping in their two cents onto a black background. The walkabouts are horrendous! Only leroy leo's had the right palette. The rest were unintelligible scribbles.
Sounds: A full soundtrack of cleverly chosen music (chosen to make us laugh) is placed in exactly the right places. Fyrewulf's fanfare is hilarious as is Jesus' entrance to the cplounge. If you can't hear bams then you'll miss most of the fun with this game.
Battles: N/A. Although the members bicker amongst themselves for a while when a N00b shows up.

"I'm going to be spiteful and not give a final comment here. Why? Because I wasn't in the game! This is the only game however, that deserves a sequel"

Squid’s Journey
Graphics: I know I know! I shouldn't review my own entry but I'll try to keep it short. Again I want to emphasise that my entry is squid's journey and NOT Elenia & Squid... This game is just the typical 'single colour tiles are bad' fare but don't make the game all that unbearable.
Sounds: Just some of the default music strewn into the game at the last minute.
Battles: More button mashing with one super powerful and one pathetic character.

"My game sucks at being terrible. What makes it worse is that other people will think of it as a shallow marketing ploy for my other game. I hope Jesus isn't in a vengeful mood."

Me.RPG
Graphics: Two badly imported buildings pierce this otherwise indecipherable map. There is horrific grid. It's so bad, you can't even tell where on earth you're supposed to be. Walkabouts are equally incoherent, looking more like pictures you'd see through bad static than anything else. Battle graphics look nothing like the walkabout graphics and only act to enhance the confusion. For a minute I could swear I was controlling a bunny
Sound: Castle music? It makes no sense whatsoever
Battles: Battles are just more bad button bashing. No real reason for the fighting, and no apparent conclusion either.

"This game has understood what terrible means. Terrible means uncompromisingly bad"

Final Fantasi XXX
Graphics: Ever wanted to know what a computer screen looks like when it crashes? No? Well this game is it anyway. The maptiles have nothing to do with anything. They look like complete scramble and are placed likewise. It's impossible to tell where you are or even that you're somewhere at all. Your character really is a scribble. Nothing to do with anything yet again. This is truelly bizarre.
Sounds: Ingenious. They bleep badly, repeat almost instantaneuously and are just plain
painful on the ears. Fits in exactly with whatever the graphics are.
Battles: Confusing et tout. You fight white squares. Why? Who knows or cares? The main battle is just trying to find out what the heck is going on. Seriously, this game will warp you.

"This encapsulates the ideals of a terrible game perfectly. Everything acts to create chaos, and chaos it creates. This game earns my vote via pure confusion"

TMC.RPG
Graphics: The maptiles look good. But only because they're ripped from FF6 and Super Metroid. The maps often look empty and even blank on occasion. They have no context.
Where are you? What is this place? Why does the game's creator keep popping up with
his insufferable personal endorsements? With noone else but yourself and mom to keep
you company, wandering around feels lifeless and dull.
Sounds: Some kind of cavern jingle set to perpetual loop, broken only by the boss music from yoshi's island. Helps give you the feeling that you're exploring a crap game, rather than just playing through it.
Battles: You are painfully slow, the battles get dull instantly (there is only one battle formation after all). And you don't even get to fight the creator (as he himself declares you can)

"You're not really playing this game. You're just an innocent bystander looking into it There are worse games but the creator WILL aggravate severely"


My Vote goes to: Final Fantasi XXX
2nd most terrible: ATK OF TEH ORNGE CRU
Best looking game: Pain and suffering
Most creative looking game: hable no ingles
Shortest game: Newbie game
Longest game: Legend of the crystals
Best use of music: OMG TIZ ROXORS TOO!!
Most convincing game: Super battle engine 04
Most creative use of plotscripting: Bad ass motha
Most likely to win anyway by default: Hentai Quest

TMC.RPG: biggest personal endorsement
Me.RPG: characters that kind of look like bunnies if you squint real hard
The man who wears purple: Best fmv
THE WROLLD OF DUM: Most on screen hitlers at once.
Put on shoes RPG: Hardest game to get high score on.
Fung’s 1 battle crappy quest: Wittiest dialogue
DJFenix: Very clever use of doors.
_________________

[SDHawk]

My vote goes to ATK OF THE ORNGE CRU.

You know, I think I damaged my hearing making FFXXX. I come very close to voting for myself because of that...
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"Why is it when they say an adult has the mind of a Sew, they lock him up, while Sews are allowed to run free in the streets."

[Rolling Stone]

My vote goes to FFXXX. I couldn't find my way through the damn thing. Utter chaos, yes.
_________________
BANDIT REVOLVER, DOWNLOAD IT OR ELSE.

http://www.castleparadox.com/forum/gamelist-display.php?game=620

[Uncommon]

Me gets my vote. Those maps... Those stats... Ouch.

Silent Angel and SDHawk tie for second.

[SilentAngel]

Hmmm, this is a tough one. Almost all of the games were quite good/funny....And even though everyone reckons FFXXX was terrible, the only really terrible thing was the graphics, which strangely enough, I sorta got used to after a while....
Hmmm. Most terrible game...CN's, for sure. Hentai, especially of females = BAD. (As you can tell, I'm female. That game disturbed me....Thanks CN, you've traumatised me for life )
_________________
Current Projects:
Hikari no Senshi - Inperiaru Taisen: ~10% Complete
http://www.castleparadox.com/forum/download.php?game=392

Stepmania Online Stats:

Next song to pass on Stepmania: Paranoia Survivor Max (Heavy)
Next song to pass on DDR: MaxX Unlimited(Standard)

[Linkmax]

FFXXX Gets My vote.

[Rolling Stone]

SDHawk- 7.25
SOJ2-1.25
Chaos Nyte-3
Silent Angel-3
Gizmog-1
Me-1 .25
RMsephy- .25
Special Kitty- .25
TMC- .25

SdHawk wins by a landslide, CN and SilentAngel tie for second, Sword of Jade 2 and Me tie for third, Gizmog places fourth while Special Kitty, TMC, and RMSephy tie for fifth.

The difficulty is in drawing fan art for the contests winner, Final Fantasi XXX, hm..

The good news is that we had more contestants than voters by 18 to 17, making this one of the best contest turnouts since the second 48 hour contest.

If there's ever any demand this may become an annual thing. Okay, the official, completed contest Zip with the winning game's artwork will be up this weekend, and for those that already have the file and don't want to DL the whole damn thing, I'll post the artwork here or in the art forum as well.
_________________
BANDIT REVOLVER, DOWNLOAD IT OR ELSE.

http://www.castleparadox.com/forum/gamelist-display.php?game=620

[Gizmog1]

Wait, how'd I get a vote? I just posted the entry folks, Chupacabra did the hard stuff.

[RedMaverickZero]

Hentai Quest was a poor excuse for a game. I even reviewed it because I didn't know when voting would be over. Although a short review, the grade is what I give the game. It trully is one of the worst games. CN, I hate you so much for that picture on the back wall. It's sooo.... disturbing. And you said something about the 2nd floor being "more hardcore"? It would be interesting to see your definition of the word in a game as horrible as this.
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---------------Projects----
Mr.Triangle's Maze: 70%
Takoyaki Surprise: 70%

[Chaos Nyte]

Well Red, seeing as my game placed 2nd, the 2nd floor can never be. Blame your fellow OHRers!

[Shadowiii]

I can't believe anyone would waste their time reviewing ANY of these games. I may consider doing a review of ALL of them (for the "every horrible game contest" file), but seriously, these games all suck anyway.
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But enough talk, have at you!

[RedMaverickZero]

I made an entry, although it's awful and immoral in every way. But when I get the net back at home I'll give it to anyone who would wonna waste their time with it. It's Pokemon Tower. Where you train Pokemon not to be the best, but to get oral pleasure. The whole game is mostly played for the graphic ending. I think it's funny and the final boss is impossible without finding a secret Pokemon. Anyways, be happy I didn't submit, heh.
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---------------Projects----
Mr.Triangle's Maze: 70%
Takoyaki Surprise: 70%

[Rolling Stone]

http://gilbert.castleparadox.com/BadGames.zip

DAT BEZ ALL DA GAYMS IN DA CONTEST AND DA FANART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANND DIS BEX TEH FANRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUHUH DATS ONLIE ONE LETER AWAIE FRUM FARRRRRTTTt!!!! Ppppppbpblpblpbbpbpbblbpblpblpbblpblpblpblpblpbpblp!!!! RFLMAORFlmaORFLMAORFlamoMOkaMORLKAOKOOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://gilbert.castleparadox.com/FFXXX.gif
_________________
BANDIT REVOLVER, DOWNLOAD IT OR ELSE.

http://www.castleparadox.com/forum/gamelist-display.php?game=620

[Shadowiii]

A MOST EXCELLENT FAN-ART TO SAY THE LEAST.

REMINDS ME OF ALL THE GREAT AND GLORIOUS MOMENTS I TOOK EXCEDRINE AND WANTED TO SHOOT MYSELF.
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But enough talk, have at you!

[Rolling Stone]

I'm just glad that the whole bloody affair is behind us now.
_________________
BANDIT REVOLVER, DOWNLOAD IT OR ELSE.

http://www.castleparadox.com/forum/gamelist-display.php?game=620